I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.
Romans 7:15
I feel you, Paul. This is basically me when I eat too much pizza. Or “forget” to go to the gym.
But seriously, this is Paul at his best. Human. Down to earth. Connecting with us. Reminding us that sin is not always some big evil awful scary thing, but is just the reality of being human. We all sin, we all fall short, we all need grace. Even Paul. Even you. Even Me.
The rest of this passage is admittedly not very clear to our modern ears, but in Paul’s day there was a lot of discussion about the applicability of the law if Jesus came to abolish/fulfill it. Basically, if Jesus came to forgive our sins, then why should we worry about following the law? Can’t we just say sorry and we’re good? (I had a roommate once who argued this point)
But ‘the law’ does not exist to provide salvation. It’s just there to keep us on the right path. There are thousands of old testament commandments and laws. Thousands more were interpreted after the fact. And while the Christian interpretation of “It all boils down to Love God, Love your Neighbor” is helpful… it clearly does not fill in all the gaps.
And I have bad news. I don’t know which laws really matter and which don’t anymore than you do. (Please see above comment regarding pizza) Sure some seem pretty obvious: murder, stealing, adultery. But we have a whole lot of very polemical instructions around human sexuality, and less polemical instructions on mixed fabrics and tattoos. Don’t worry, though, neither Paul nor Jesus expect us to make it up on our own.
A mentor described sin and the law as being a little like pinball. They exist to keep us on the field and bounce us back into right relationship with God. They are gentle (and sometimes less than gentle) reminders that something is not going quite right, but can be if we listen to those signs and symbols when we find ourselves doing the things that we hate, the things that make us feel distant from God and from others.
Now, people usually prefer something a little simpler. “Do this and you go to heaven. Do that and you don’t.” The Bible for dummies, or something like that. I appreciate that desire, I really do, but the reality of God’s divine love and of our human existence just doesn’t allow for simple step-by-step guides.
We all sin. We all fall short. Sometimes intentionally, but usually not. There is no shame in making a mistake, even when the world tries to tell you there is. We just shift our focus and try to be more intentional about doing better next time. And there is certainly no shame in being who God made you to be, even if others say it is sinful and wrong. God doesn’t make mistakes, and if God does, you aren’t one of them.