Do not let your hearts be troubled. Believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father’s house, there are many dwelling places. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, so that where I am, there you may be also.
John 14:1-3
My memories of my grandmother all have a certain dream-like quality. You know, where there are little tinges of pink and green on the outsides - and you are kind of floating through everything, not really touching the ground?
Perhaps this is fitting for her. She had an intoxicating smile, and could make one feel, if only for a moment, like they were the most important person in the world.
And yet often those moments were fleeting, and you never knew quite when she would appear back in your life. When your story would connect back with her story.
Perhaps it is fitting for another reason - that while I don’t know most of the story, I do understand her childhood was at times the stuff of nightmares. She certainly had a troubled heart, as Jesus speaks about in the Gospel. She deserved a little dreaming.
Perhaps this explains her fervent faith - this promise of a safe dwelling place with God in the next life. And like the disciples, and us, she did not quite know the way to this place. But she, and we, have this promise from Christ himself — I am the way. The truth. And the life.
A perfect father, a mother without sin, a safe dwelling place — these promises of the Christian faith offered everything she could not find in this life. Perhaps that’s why she was such a good gift giver. It was, it must be said, one of her talents, she sent my daughter a long “fur” coat with a Dalmatian collar that she wore EVERYWHERE during summers in Miami. It was her princess coat and she loved it. There is a line from scripture about God being a good giver of gifts. When I was ordained she managed to gift me two Chasubles in the appropriate colors despite not ever having seen me celebrate at the altar or preach from the pulpit.
She did not know quite how to love, but she tried.
So where does that leave us? The inheritors of this imperfect love? Now usually at a funeral I preach about resurrection. And that for those we love but see no longer — we practice resurrection by identifying those pieces of our loved ones life and story that resonated with us and continuing to live those out. To keep their story alive — to practice resurrection in this life so that more may come to believe in resurrection in the next.
It gets more complicated when the legacy is more complicated though, doesn’t it?
Perhaps then - we should practice the reconciliation here that we believe our loved ones are experiencing right now in heaven. Can we let go of foolish pride, can we free ourselves from the fear of being hurt, can we open our hearts to give and receive love without need for reciprocity! Free from guilt, from comparing accounts, without any agenda.
If we can begin to do that… we might see some resurrection here. Now. With people we love and would like to see a bit longer.
The most recent memory of my grandmother is a little more ridiculous. For Mother’s Day a few years ago, Monica sent flowers to my grandmother. The company said the order was undeliverable. Monica checked the address, and had them try again. Again- undeliverable. A third time they tried and finally Monica got a call from the local florist “the customer rejected the flowers.” Rejected the flowers.
I didn’t know that was a thing you could do.
One must be in great pain to reject such a simple expression of love, especially from someone they had not seen in quite some time. I don’t harbor any ill will towards my grandmother. But I do hope that I can learn from, that we all can learn, to not say no to the flowers.
We all have people in our lives that we are less than connected with, who we could stand to reconcile with. Now may not be the time, but someday they may send flowers. Someday they, or you, may reach out in love. Someday they may seek to reconcile.
And when that moment happens, let’s not let our hearts grow so cold that we can’t say yes. Let’s never say no to the flowers, ok? Let us be willing to receive love.